bicycle
Love Hurts
2012.05.02 | Updates in the life | bicycle, love, tis but a scratch | 7 Comments
So Maggie and I had a fight. I’m not sure if she was feeling neglected seeing as I hadn’t spent any quality time with her since last Friday, or unappreciated due to the fact I haven’t really spent much money on her as of late. Maybe she was still fuming the fact I (momentarily) oogled Ryan’s new squeeze. Whatever the reason, she threw me to the ground and left me to nurse my wounds. Indeed, as they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Deep Thoughts
2012.02.19 | Just a bunch of silliness, really | bicycle, cadbury mini eggs, dating | 9 Comments
So I know I’ve been AWOL for the last several months, but that doesn’t mean I’m not here or that I’ve stopped contemplating the mysteries of the universe. Here are some of the latest questions I’ve been mulling over:
- Is my New Year’s resolution to not buy any sweets all year the stupidest one I’ve ever come up with? (I totally failed to take into consideration all the Cadbury Mini Eggs I’d be missing come Easter-time)
- Why do I own so much love-lost and breakup music?
- Is there anything scarier than the prospect of Newt Gingrich with his finger poised over the nuke button?
- I need to marry a masseuse. (How does one meet a masseuse?)
- What should I do with my tax return?
- Why is it that your head is so much clearer, life so much better, (yet your tush so much sorer) when you’re out riding your bike?
- I need to marry a cyclist. (How does one meet a cyclist?)
- It is written that man shall not live by bread alone, but what if that glutinous diet included enough different varieties to get you some other essential vitamins and minerals? (banana bread, corn bread, zucchini bread, potato bread, pumpernickel, Costco poppyseed muffins, etc.)
- Is my cologne of choice, “Eternity for Men” really intended for men who are destined to eternally be alone? And if so, is that more of a causal relationship? Does the stuff just smell really bad or something?
- How old does one have to be before they sign up for one of those online dating sites?
Makeout Point with Maggie
2011.07.07 | Updates in the life | bicycle, relationships, spandex | 8 Comments
View from the top of "Makeout Point", er, Squaw Peak
Took my girl Maggie up to Squaw Peak last night. Talk about a workout…
Speaking of Maggie, I have to say, I think my relationship with her has been my longest to date. I’m not sure what to attribute that too… maybe all of the quality time we spend together. Or the fact that she is the only girl I’m okay wearing spandex for.
I know I’ve been AWOL for awhile. More updates to come… after le tour, most likely.
Disclaimer: If any of you read this and thought I was, very ungentlemanly, kissing-and-telling, you missed the boat. Hint: click the “Maggie” link…
Menaces to Society are People Too
2010.09.11 | Updates in the life | bicycle, magnets, marriage | 11 Comments
It’s here. The dreaded day has finally arrived. I have now become a menace to society. Although there is some debate as to age at which Brigham Young said an unmarried man becomes a menace, I’ve long held it to be 27, mostly because it was so far off. That is no longer the case. No matter I went to bed last night an upstanding young citizen, I woke this morning a menace.
As alarming as my new title is, I’m not too concerned. I’ve developed a solid four-point marriage plan that is sure to bring me matrimonial success:
Returning to the scene of the crime – Last month I moved back into my previous apartment complex. I gave my reasoning as wanting to live with friends again but that’s just my cover. I realized recently that each of my original roommates in this complex ended up marrying girls they met in this ward. Clearly I have unfinished business.
Lure them with luxury – In said apartment complex not only did they recently refinish the kitchen cabinets (we have handles and knobs now) but they finally got rid of our circa 1970′s red plaid couches and replaced them with nice new leather ones. The girls are already in a tizzy.
Elevating my Taste in Music – I’m not sure who made the original assessment, but I’ve been told I have the taste in music of a 14-year-old girl. No longer. After introducing a few new artists into my iPod I think it’s fair to say I now have the taste in music of a 17-year-old girl. So long Taylor Swift, it never would have worked between us anyway.
Just Keep Pedaling – Having given up running for the sake of my aging knees, I recently joined the cycling crowd. Not only does this mean I deck myself out in spandex several times a week, but it gives me an in with the cycling girls. In fact, I think even the non-cycling girls are impressed. On top of that, cycling is a pretty vain sport and I’ve long held I’m not nearly vain enough.
I’ve even settled on a name for my bike that encapsulates all I hope biking will bring me. Meet “The babe-magnet”, or “Maggie” for short. I was resistant at first to give in to Missy’s name suggestion (shipping on candy bars to Illinois is EXPENSIVE), but as I’ve ridden these past few weeks and showed off the new wheels to a few girls here and there, it has become clear I’ve got a real babe magnet in my Felt F30.
2010: Year of the Bike
2010.07.29 | Updates in the life | bicycle, candy, Luxembourg | 27 Comments
I told myself that this was the year to get into cycling, and after squandering away most of the summer months looking for a killer deal I finally bit the bullet and bought a bike. Maybe it was the inspiring performance of Andy in the tour or the “I’ll believe it when I see it” attitude of Kellendric, but whatever the motivating cause, I’m now the proud owner of a Felt bicycle. Now I just need pedals, shoes, a helmet, and a name and I’m set. That’s right… a name. I need to properly christen my new conveyance before I take to the open road.
That’s where you come in: I need name suggestions. Leave your best bicycle name in the comments and I’ll pick the most fitting moniker for my sweet new ride. Winner gets a candy bar, and a promise that I won’t post any pictures of myself in spandex for at least a month.
