Updates in the life
Makeout Point with Maggie
2011.07.07 | Updates in the life | bicycle, relationships, spandex | 8 Comments
View from the top of "Makeout Point", er, Squaw Peak
Took my girl Maggie up to Squaw Peak last night. Talk about a workout…
Speaking of Maggie, I have to say, I think my relationship with her has been my longest to date. I’m not sure what to attribute that too… maybe all of the quality time we spend together. Or the fact that she is the only girl I’m okay wearing spandex for.
I know I’ve been AWOL for awhile. More updates to come… after le tour, most likely.
Disclaimer: If any of you read this and thought I was, very ungentlemanly, kissing-and-telling, you missed the boat. Hint: click the “Maggie” link…
Menaces to Society are People Too
2010.09.11 | Updates in the life | bicycle, magnets, marriage | 11 Comments
It’s here. The dreaded day has finally arrived. I have now become a menace to society. Although there is some debate as to age at which Brigham Young said an unmarried man becomes a menace, I’ve long held it to be 27, mostly because it was so far off. That is no longer the case. No matter I went to bed last night an upstanding young citizen, I woke this morning a menace.
As alarming as my new title is, I’m not too concerned. I’ve developed a solid four-point marriage plan that is sure to bring me matrimonial success:
Returning to the scene of the crime – Last month I moved back into my previous apartment complex. I gave my reasoning as wanting to live with friends again but that’s just my cover. I realized recently that each of my original roommates in this complex ended up marrying girls they met in this ward. Clearly I have unfinished business.
Lure them with luxury – In said apartment complex not only did they recently refinish the kitchen cabinets (we have handles and knobs now) but they finally got rid of our circa 1970′s red plaid couches and replaced them with nice new leather ones. The girls are already in a tizzy.
Elevating my Taste in Music – I’m not sure who made the original assessment, but I’ve been told I have the taste in music of a 14-year-old girl. No longer. After introducing a few new artists into my iPod I think it’s fair to say I now have the taste in music of a 17-year-old girl. So long Taylor Swift, it never would have worked between us anyway.
Just Keep Pedaling – Having given up running for the sake of my aging knees, I recently joined the cycling crowd. Not only does this mean I deck myself out in spandex several times a week, but it gives me an in with the cycling girls. In fact, I think even the non-cycling girls are impressed. On top of that, cycling is a pretty vain sport and I’ve long held I’m not nearly vain enough.
I’ve even settled on a name for my bike that encapsulates all I hope biking will bring me. Meet “The babe-magnet”, or “Maggie” for short. I was resistant at first to give in to Missy’s name suggestion (shipping on candy bars to Illinois is EXPENSIVE), but as I’ve ridden these past few weeks and showed off the new wheels to a few girls here and there, it has become clear I’ve got a real babe magnet in my Felt F30.
2010: Year of the Bike
2010.07.29 | Updates in the life | bicycle, candy, Luxembourg | 27 Comments
I told myself that this was the year to get into cycling, and after squandering away most of the summer months looking for a killer deal I finally bit the bullet and bought a bike. Maybe it was the inspiring performance of Andy in the tour or the “I’ll believe it when I see it” attitude of Kellendric, but whatever the motivating cause, I’m now the proud owner of a Felt bicycle. Now I just need pedals, shoes, a helmet, and a name and I’m set. That’s right… a name. I need to properly christen my new conveyance before I take to the open road.
That’s where you come in: I need name suggestions. Leave your best bicycle name in the comments and I’ll pick the most fitting moniker for my sweet new ride. Winner gets a candy bar, and a promise that I won’t post any pictures of myself in spandex for at least a month.
Super Trek 2010
2010.05.30 | Updates in the life | outdoors, pioneers | 10 Comments
I went on my first ever trek last weekend. Seeing as a picture is worth a thousand words, here is my 15,000 word essay on the whole experience. Kudos to cameraman Brock for these stellar (and in some cases candid) pics. It was quite a chore to pick just 15 pics that best personified the adventure. Each thumbnail links to the full picture.
Captain Shakespeare
handy carts
trekin' it up
Savannah smiles
not a stick up my butt
the good bishop
close quarters
beautiful day
good grub
complimentary contrast
ready for my closeup
snuggles
baby, it's cold outside
one big happy family
the end
Aging with style
2010.04.28 | Updates in the life | old people, vitamins | 7 Comments
So I started taking multi-vitamins today. I bought them during my latest Costco run in a moment of weakness. My hand has been hurting lately and I thought some Vitamin B6 might do me well. I figured as long as I was tackling that I might as well pull out the big guns and fight off goiters and various other old-people ailments at the same time. I’m having second thoughts though… not only do they smell yucky, but doesn’t it kind of defeat the purpose if it hurts my hand to open the bottle when hand pain is part of the reason I’m taking them in the first place?
I’m clearly well on my way to becoming an old man: Aches and pains? Check. Sock suspenders? Check. Old-fashioned single-bladed razor which I started using last year and never got around to blogging about? Check. Slowly receding hairline? *sigh* Check. The transformation is almost complete.
Moustache Showdown
2010.01.05 | Updates in the life | creepy, face hair, poll | 23 Comments
“A man without a moustache is like a cup of tea without sugar”
Brockolicious
Handsome Rob
Kellendric
Who has the nastiest 'stache?
- Handsome Rob (43%, 20 Votes)
- Brockolicious (41%, 19 Votes)
- Kellendric (16%, 7 Votes)
Total Voters: 46
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After a week of heated polling, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the world was asked “Who framed Roger Rabbit?”, the nastiest ‘stache contest has ended.
Well fought, Brock. Slightly less well fought but still respectable effort, Kellen. May your moustaches never land either of you the role of ‘villain’ in a dramatized segment of America’s Most Wanted.
Concession speeches & fan mail still welcome in the comments…
A Questionable Thanksgiving
2009.11.29 | Updates in the life | byu, family, food, football | 6 Comments
This past week much of my family gathered for the great American tradition of stuffing our faces with Turkey.
I like Thanksgiving for all the obvious reasons. First there is Jenny’s I’m-still-not-sure-whats-in-it-but-I-can’t-stop-eating-it cracker dip. This dip has been a feature of every Martin family gathering of memory. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s in her and Steve’s pre-nup.
Next, there is the age-old pilgrim Thanksgiving tradition of Halo. For the record I’m normally not a big gamer, but there is something to be said about the bonding that comes from blowing your miscellaneous family member off the map while playing X-box on a huge projector screen with 7.1 digital surround sound. Ah, the memories. Following a few rounds we even got my sixty-something dad to play some “Nintendo” when we pulled out Beatles Rock Band. I never thought I’d live to see the day.
Add to this some healthy BYU/Utah rivalry and you’ve got yourself an all-around good weekend. My brother Dave and I are the BYU faithful while my oldest sister Chantal and her family cheer for the U. (I’m fairly certain they are all BYU fans at heart—really, who in their right mind could like Utah?). I thought we had added another follower to team blue, but sadly the Cougar Convert of six posts back defected. Despite all my best efforts to elicit a proper response to the question “Who is better, BYU or Utah?” via tickling and withholding m&ms, the kid stayed true to his family’s (pretended) ideals. I think they’re paying him more than I am.
Following a good meal we settled down for our traditional family movie. Deferring to my unquestioned good taste we watched the new Star Trek, which just happens to be one of the three most amazing movies I have seen in the theater. My reasoning in selecting this flick was that everyone I have talked to who has seen it has liked Star Trek. Pretty fail-proof reasoning, right? Wrong. While I didn’t get a chance to hear from everyone it was obvious that, in the least, both my sister Chantal and my dad weren’t impressed. I guess amazing special effects, unmatched character development, and a well-written story don’t do it for everybody. Go figure.
The movie was followed by a round of Killer Bunnies. For the record this was not my idea, but seeing as I was the only one there who knew how to play I taught them at their request. Discontent with Star Trek paled in comparison to how they felt about the game. I have never seen them so united before (They didn’t even need Halo at that point). The combination of the response from the movie and card game left me asking the question so many of us have asked ourselves at some point or another following spending some extended time with family: “Am I sure I wasn’t adopted?”
Of course I know I wasn’t. Even though we are definitely different people, I’ve got the Martin nose. Plus I inherited my parents’ tastes in ice cream (Cherry Chocolate Chip from dad and Peppermint from mom). Who needs a blood test when I pass the highly scientific resemblance/ice cream combo? Birth-relatedness questions aside, at least one thing is for certain: I think we settled the “Who is better, BYU or Utah?” question as BYU beat Utah in an amazing 25-yard touchdown score in overtime. I was fortunate enough to be there enjoying the revelry, screaming myself hoarse, storming the field etc. Good times. Great holiday weekend.
Chantal’s family: you can come out of the closet now. I have m&ms.
The Psychology of Dating
2009.11.12 | Updates in the life | dating | 9 Comments
I went out with my 8-year-old nephew’s 2nd grade teacher this last Saturday. Almost beats the time I was setup with my brother’s adopted son’s birth-grandmother’s niece. On a related note, it seems like I’ve dated a good number of teachers and dental hygienists/assistants these past few years. I wonder what Freud would say about that…
You’re a Great American, Simon Cowell
2009.11.04 | Updates in the life | vacation | 14 Comments
Below you will find a collaborative MadLib account of the adventures Kellen and I had in Pennsylvania this week. The following is a true story (or at least was, until Kellen got his hands on it):
Having found myself in a need to use up some paid time off before the year ended, I begged for a plane ticket and flew out to the Show-Me State to spend some time with Kellen & Rachel.
To start the fun off, Kellen and I played a round of Disc Golf on the 2005 Pro World’s Course. (Yes, I vacation with my Disc Golf Discs). It was horrific, albeit tranquil, with natural hazards of alien invasions and poetry readings. We tied after 3.14 holes. We then toured Kellen’s secret society before returning to his house on Duh Drive (Kellen is famous for choosing his places of residence solely based on proximity to jewelry repair shops). There we watched game one of the illegal hamster fighting match between the New York Humphrey Bogarts and Philadelphia Eye-Gougers. The team I was told I was rooting for won.
Thursday we headed into Philadelphia, where we experienced various national treasures such as Pat’s Philly hole in the road, and The Mint. I ate my shredded shoelaces wit caviar and cheese-whiz and only slightly in fear for my life. At the Mint (where they make unisex fedoras) we went on a self-guided tour and learned about the enigmatic world of numismatry via impressive human statues, and state-of-the-art displays. It was here that Kellen experienced extreme wonderment and sheer awesomeness as he found out it was in fact Martha Stewart in a Winston Churchill Halloween costume, not President Truman on the dime.
Having been spiritually fed at the Mint, we decided it was time to give something back to fellow humanoids by setting the record straight on an age-old historical mystery, specifically, is the sun rising or setting on the famous chair found in Cowabunga! Hall? After lamenting for a time with our Finnish tour guide we concluded that really there were two possibilities. Either a) as Kellen proposed, the sun was really in eclipse, or b) that since the Continental Congress was meeting in a rented hall, it was probably a furnished hall, with an average chair purchased from an average vendor, and really had no connection to the important events that took place there, i.e., the signing of our Captain Kirk’s two most important documents, the Weekend at Bernies: 2 screenplay and the Greendale Elementary’s fire safety plan and, therefore, is really a moot point. You’re strangely out of place, America.
Additional highlights included visiting Christ’s Church, where we played rugby in the pew of our Nation’s first President, Simon Cowell and heading to some other building where we saw the Liberty nose cazoo. Oh yeah, and we played Killer Bunnies, which was voted as the most immoral, illegal, and illogical card game since the invention of Death Ray Level 6: The Siege of Planet Voklon: Phase 10 Edition.
All in all it was a surprisingly malfeasant trip, even when you throw in the fact that my flight out of the Andromeda Galaxy was delayed 12 parsecs, causing me to miss my connecting flight out of Rock Springs, WY, and forcing me to spend Halloween night (plus the extra hour thanks to Daylight Savings) in an underwater dungeon that for some reason was also on fire before finally flying home to Salt Lake, some 15 hours late!
The Blog Turns One
2009.09.29 | Updates in the life | freedom of speech, spite, sweaters | 23 Comments
I never thought this day would come: My little blog celebrated a year in the life today. I’m so proud. In celebration of this important milestone I decided it was time for a new look, so out with the red, and in with the blue. Whose idea was red anyway? Pfft. Red hasn’t been fashionable since I wowed the girls in my preschool class with this sweater.
In addition to the new appearance I also opted for a new name, half because I was growing weary of Truthiness and half to spite all those blogspot bloggers who have to marry themselves to the titles of the blogs. A beautiful thing is spite.
Welcome to Tongue-in-Cheek, a place where I can say just about anything I want without fear of repercussions because, hey, it’s tongue-in-cheek.
Happy birthday, blog. Many happy returns.
