Now That’s Quality Television…
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 | fame & glory, opinions
There I was, minding my own business when my friend Shawn texted me with an important business proposition (all important business transactions are done via text message these days—in fact the current proposed 1000+ page Health Care bill was originally submitted as a series of 15,172 text messages). “Would you be willing to do a TV interview?” he asked. Now, to the average Joe, this might seem like an off-the-wall question, but when you’re as famous as I am these TV spots are a regular thing. My television debut happened at the ripe age of seven when I was featured during the closing credits of the local news fishing on free fishing day (I caught a carp, which sadly was not caught on tape—I used worms). That experience was followed a mere 10 years later by my very own commercial wherein I recited a poem I had written for a contest/school assignment commemorating the likeliest of subjects: “Black History Month”.
My response, naturally, was to promptly forget about the text. In fact, I’m pretty sure I forgot about Shawn entirely there for a few days… I’m sure I was doing something highly important at the time, like signing autographs or participating in a celebrity charity fund-raiser. No, really, I was more likely than not getting ready for a round of disc golf and I can’t exactly let myself get distracted from my game, otherwise it throws of my groove and then Tyler beats me, and we can’t have that happening, now can we?
So we golfed. And I’m sure I won. And I forgot about said TV interview. Then a week-or-so later I ran into Shawn and he again asked about my willingness to be interviewed. Turns out Shawn works for a local cable provider and has the responsibility of coming up with programs they can air on one of their stations. He came up with this idea for a show where they interview, as Shawn put it, “important, influential locals…” he paused, looking for the right words, and I started to feel highly flattered/important/influential, as he continued, “…and really really opinionated people.” Suddenly it all makes a little more sense. And so I, slightly-dejected/highly-opinionated/non-imporant-or-influential Rob Martin took the gig.
The day of the interview came and we talked about really exciting topics including the recession, independence, and old people. Sadly, though, we didn’t even get into topics I felt particularly opinionated about. Topics like: my shipping container dream home, library book detectors, or Poland. Still, it’s a start. I’m sure my public will be pleased.
16 Comments to Now That’s Quality Television…
So, where is this TV spot? When does it air?
Hal 9000July 29, 2009
Although I am sure you discussed many issues that you feel were important, but unless you used this platform to highlight the issues of Phase 10, Andrew Jackson, Classical Implosions, the role of piracy in global climate change and creamery conspiracy to keep BYU alumni away from Graham Canyon ice cream, then this interview was a lost opportunity. I suggest you demand another interview in which you announce your candidacy for the Provo City council (on the platform I just outlined) and challenge Bronco Mendenhall to a blindfolded knife fight on Squaw Peak.
Also, you could use your interview to confuse the public by dropping endorsements for products that have been defunct for 20 years.
Wow. I didn’t know you had such a “public” following. When do we get to see this little TV spot. I would be highly interested to see what our little “opinionated” Rob had to say… ha ha… nice post.
Can we view it on You Tube? Did you at least talk about cardigans?
By the way, I have a television set that is almost identical to the one in the picture. It is sitting on my front porch and we have no idea what to do with it. Any ideas? I’m tired of my house looking like a swap meet.
EdJuly 30, 2009
I have a TV set like that as well. I keep in a closet with the cats’ litter box so they can watch Glen Beck. They also like Bill O. They have also requested that I move my old computer in as well…so they can watch Rush on the net.
BethJuly 31, 2009
I think you need to arrange some sort of a viewing.
robmartinJuly 31, 2009
Beth – Why? Who died?
CheJuly 31, 2009
Why is Beth so obsessed with death?
BethJuly 31, 2009
Doesn’t the death obsession fit? This is Rob’s blog after all.
http://mw1.m-w.com/dictionary/viewing
Dave MartinAugust 3, 2009
Did you talk about how chacos can be worn for all activities no matter what it is? When does this TV spot air…or will it air?
Lord Viceroy of the Royal AdmiralityAugust 3, 2009
I want everyone here to know that I invented the color yellow. Rob was my inspiration.
Gavin NewsomeAugust 3, 2009
Dearest LVRA,
Not only are you a color-plagiarizing inbred, your reasoning is as phony as a David Ortiz home run. Since HR is and always will be a black and white abstraction, he is incapable of inspiring color.
Sheriff Earp- Official Spokesman of the Lord ViceroyAugust 4, 2009
Its too bad a current Bay City political figure has refused to acknowledge the facts concerning H. Robert Martin’s inspirational capacity. A perusal of HR’s deep consciousness clearly shows that his life is not black and white, but a 1950’s era, Ben-Hur like technicolor! Bright blue cardigans containing buttons sewn with dental floss would catch no female’s gaze if viewed in drab gray. No, HR lives, loves, and inspires in technicolor (except for the color yellow, which I invented in 1993)!
Jiminy CricketAugust 11, 2009
Lord Viceroy,
I spent the last few minutes looking up Webster’s definition of love. I didn’t see tongue under any of the many definitions…. I think he will be fine.
Sandy KoufaxAugust 12, 2009
Jiminy Cricket is responsible for the designated hitter rule. For shame!!
July 29, 2009