Mr. Mole Man
Thursday, October 30th, 2008 |
I remember as a kid my favorite movie was “Condorman”. In that fine cinemetographic masterpiece the main character, a comic book artist, is recruited by the FBI to help catch some criminals. He agrees, but only on the conditions that he can become Condorman, his comic book creation, and defeat the thugs using the extravagant methods outlined in his comic books. He then goes around with elaborate gadgets and vehicles, all the while dressed up in his Condorman outfit (complete with wings and the requisite skin-tight superhero spandex). I wanted to be just like Condorman, but alas my calling is elsewhere in life: Call me Mr. Mole Man because *gasp* I’ve got moles.
These past few weeks I’ve made trips to the dermatologist, optometrist, and dentist. I saw the dermatologist so he could take a look at this itty bitty suspicious mole I noticed, but apparently it got busy and had puppies while I was sleeping because he found *nervous cough* 19 of them. He gave his reasoning for wanting to remove them… something about potential cancer or something like that but all I heard was “by you coming in every other week for the next three months I’ll be able to buy that boat I’ve always wanted”. I’ve already got three divots in my back from his first attack.
But thats not the only thing plaguing Mr. Mole Man. My trip to the dentist was equally eventful. I decided to be frankly honest right from the start so I told the hygienist I don’t floss… at all. She braced herself and went to work. I think she made it her personal mission to convince me to floss, something no hygienist or dentist or girlfriend for that matter has been able to persuade me to do in 25 years. This woman was definitely a pro… she used a whole score of persuasive strategems like delivering her stump speech while she had sharp instruments in my mouth so I couldn’t respond, and using scare tactics complete with words like “gingivitis” and “gum disease”. I even think I caught a “pull your teeth out” in there.
Fortunately I survived this brutal onslaught. Join us next year when our hero rises once again to face the future villains of ingrown toenails and rheumatoid arthritis. I think I’ll pass on making myself a Mole Man costume, however… I don’t think I could pull off the tights.
4 Comments to Mr. Mole Man
I don’t know, Rob. You’ve got pretty nice legs. I must have been away at college during your “Condorman” phase. I do remember your “Neverending Story” phase. You watched that show at least once a day!
KellenOctober 31, 2008
I have a dentist like that. Unfortunately he is also my friend so I have to hear lectures about flossing even when I am not strapped down in his pain chair. He never fails to criticize my brushing technique when we are out of town racing bicycles.
Don’t take it personal HR, my solution is to gently remind my friend/dentist that I will “consider his advice, because lets face it, he isn’t a real doctor.”
JihyeiNovember 28, 2008
rob, what’s your aversion to flossing, if you don’t mind me asking?
Jihyei – its no fun. Maybe if someone could make up a game to make it more entertaining. Not just any game though… turn it into a game comparable to “Risk” or “Settlers of Catan” with an appropriate blend of skill and luck and I’m there.
October 30, 2008