Rob Martin

Dressing for Success

2008.10.14 | Updates in the life |

This past Saturday I ran a 5k up Provo Canyon called the “Pi Mi”. Unlike a real 5k which is 3.1 miles the pi mi, in honor of pi (which apparently gets so little respect that somebody had to put a race together for it), is 3.14 miles. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but in this race of more than a dozen people I placed 11th overall. I owe it all to my highly developed sense of fashion. Here’s how you too can dress for success in all your underrespected-number-honoring charity runs:

High School Cross Country Hat – This serves two obvious purposes: hiding your messed up hair from having just woken up to go run in a race which you actually PAID MONEY and WOKE UP EARLY to run in and to intimidate your competitors to show you have experience running and are crazy enough to do it again, thus sending the message they best stay out of your way. Why not a beanie, you ask? That’s simple: Because beanies are inferior as evidenced by Tyler, my roommate (to my left) who took 13th. 11th = baseball hat. 13th = beanie. I think we can all agree my logic is sound.

Headphones – I would have worn my earbuds but it was cold and these were doubling as earmuffs. The headphones were playing music from my iPod which was strapped to my left bicep, thus portraying in my competitors eyes that I was actually more muscular than reality and that I would beat them up if they tried to pass me… at least if they tried to pass me from the left side, that is.

Patagonia Capilene Jacket – Why? Because capilene is Awesome… and just about the most comfortable material known to man.

Wicked socks - These were also from my high school days (Beetdigger pride!) and were necessary due to the fact it was snowing just a few minutes before the race began.

Chacos – Let the record show I do not normally run in chacos and did not intend on wearing chacos but that I beat my roommate Tyler wearing chacos. Muahahaha… The truth is I left my running shoes in the middle of our living room floor as we left that morning.

I actually ran with Tyler and Annie (pictured to my right and looking at the camera in amazement at my sense of fashion) for the bulk of the race but with about a quarter mile to go my iPod played the song Brand New Key, by the Dollyrots. Check it out. The original, by Melanie, has to be the worst song ever, but the Dollyrots version has kick and when I heard it I couldn’t help it but just take off.

With a keen eye for fashion (which thankfully can be developed with training) you too can dress for success in all your endeavors. Better luck next time, Tyler.

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